Transforming Old Dreams Into New Visions

I walked into the Asian store in town to pick up supplies to make pad Thai and a curry. My daughter went off to explore the exotic candies. I have always been grateful for this store in a land that is not oozing ethnic diversity, particularly in the culinary world. They have most things you would need to make your favorite Asian dishes. I love discovering new things to add to my favorites like the herb culantro with its intense intoxicating smell and rich flavor to use in place of cilantro. I have done some cross cultural experiments such as using fresh lemongrass and ginger in matzo ball soup.

The woman who runs the shop is always willing to offer help in making a dish and choosing the best ingredients. She asked me how old my daughter is and was surprised when I said she was 8 as she remembered me bringing her into the store when she was just a baby.

I remembered those early days too, so grateful to find a shop that reminded me of the excitement of travelling to different lands. During that time, I was thankful to truly feel at home in one place and to have my own family.

I loved all my travels when I was younger – living, learning and working in different countries with the romance, adventure, and stretching myself way beyond my comfort level. It was what fed me on a never ending quest for self-discovery, much to the frustration of my parents when I announced via overseas call, I am just not ready to come home yet, and continued on a new adventure. Or when I finally came back home to finish college and months later had to take another time out and answer the call of yet another travel journey. Eventually, I did graduate college and then traveled some more before I came back and took a more traditional job…well sort of, but that is another story for another day. When I have thought about travel over the years since, it felt more like work and I knew it would take way more energy than I could muster.

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Photo Credit Alice Popkorn

My nephew Mike has been travelling all over the world the past few years. I keep track of his adventures on Facebook and occasionally we exchange messages and share life philosophies. His escapades often evoke memories of my wandering years. I know that restlessness. I know the urge to discover more and that feeling of being able to fit in anywhere and nowhere at the same time. It is such a different time now than when I travelled. You can update people in an instant with your life instead of making them wait for weeks for a tissue paper air mail letter. You can monitor the lives of friends and families while traveling with the Internet in your pocket.

Something was triggered in the store that day. My love of travel, that has long been buried, started to stir. I know I don’t want to revisit the days of travelling with a backpack and sleeping in hostels. But what do I want from travel now? Who am I now and what experiences do I desire? What would it take for me to get in travelling shape – physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually?

For many of us, the challenge is how to allow ourselves to revisit old dreams. Instead of tossing them away, can we open to a new way they may manifest in our lives? In midlife, our dreams of singing on stage, being a doctor, working abroad, getting married, having your own business, walking the Camino, starting a nonprofit, writing a book, going back to school, having a child, trekking in Nepal, make music, having a farm, living by the beach, running for political office, or joining the Peace Core, may have changed.

The first step is to allow ourselves to feel the desire without pushing it away, without telling ourselves why it can’t happen. The desires were planted in us long ago and now maybe they have changed form. If being a doctor is no longer possible, what kind of healing work can you do? If having your own farm feels overwhelming, where can you contribute to a local Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) farm? If your operatic voice can’t hit those notes anymore, what is the local theater producing that you might join? If birthing a child is no longer possible, how can you have children be a part of your life? If a two year commitment to joining the Peace Core doesn’t fit you anymore, what short term international volunteer opportunities are there?

Someone—who never finished writing his book—once said to me, “All the good books have already been written.” That same person recently said the same about music. I don’t believe it. There is a song, a book, a dream inside each of us that was divinely placed there. Have a look back at those long held dreams. They hold a lot of wisdom and may be ready to be transformed into a new vision that will once again give you goose bumps and that little nervous thrill in your stomach. As James Clear says, “There will never be a perfect time to do something that stretches you.” It is the seventh inning folks. Perhaps now is your time for a stretch.

Would you like some support unlocking those dreams? You can join me on June 13-14 in Wausau, Wisconsin for “Living Empowered, Leading a soul led life with the support of the
Akashic Record
” Click on the link for more info – https://www.facebook.com/events/1602753060010929/

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Why Her Tears Were My Greatest Teaching

So I made my daughter cry this morning. We were in a rush to get to the bus on time. She decided she wanted pig tails and that she wanted to do it herself. I offered to do them for her and she said, “I am a big girl. I can do it myself.” The truth is at 8 years old there were many things I wish that she would do herself that she doesn’t. Instead, she plays the “I can’t” card more often than I would like. So I should be glad she wants to do it herself but…her attempt to put pig tails in her hair looks like the aftermath of a tornado with bits of her hair strewn in all directions – one pig tail close to her nose and the other in the back of her head. She, of course, is pleased with herself. I hear that little voice inside of me say “let it go” but I ignore the voice and instead offer again – this time in an annoying condescending mom voice to pleeeease let me fix it. She insists she can do it and by this time we are way past the 2 minute allotment she had to do her hair and make it out of the house on time. I tell her, “You’re done; into the car,” which is the perfect moment for her to decide she must now wear her rain boots rather than snow boots as miraculously we have nearly instantaneously gone from below zero to fifty degrees with snow melting at a record pace. And now she’s frantically looking for the one rain boot gone MIA during the long cold winter. I tell her we are going to miss the bus and she has to wear her snow boots. Lots of sighing and mumbling under her breath ensues and somewhere along the line I tell her she is acting like a baby. Screeeeeeech – the tears begin the flow.

I am frustrated, she is frustrated, and by the time we pull into the YMCA parking lot where she picks up her school bus – which takes her to a wonderful school in the woods that she loves – she is mad. We get out of the car, I try to talk to her about starting our day differently, that I love her and attempt to hug it out. She is not having any of it. “I am mad at you. You called me a baby.” And to prove my point despite herself, she lets out a cascade of tears and walks away. I feel awful…helpless….I try one last time to calm her down but she is having no part of it. The whole thing seems way out of proportion, especially since she is usually an easy going kid. I go talk with the other moms and tell them what happened. They all shake it off and share their stories of how they have been there many times. Still feeling bad – now as she is off by herself hidden by the bike racks – I go up to one of her good friends, tell her my daughter is upset and could use a friend. The friend happily goes over to her, but my daughter is not in a consoling mood. The bus comes and she hops on without a goodbye or a glance backward.

I dashed off to my chiropractor appointment after the bus pulled away. As I am being treated, I let out that I was feeling bad about this exchange with my daughter and, much to my embarrassment, tears rolled down my cheek. “It is tough being a parent,” he responded. “She is probably out playing now and forgot all about it,” he continued. I lay there cringing wishing I were back in bed and could have a morning do over.

I come from a family of fixers. My parents, all three of my siblings, we are all fixers. Something goes wrong, a friend has a problem, we try and find a solution. There is injustice in the world and we try and fix it. My husband is not a fixer nor, from my experience, are others in his family. So when a fixer and a non-fixer come together there are challenges. I called up my non- fixer husband on the way home from the chiropractor. I was still feeling shaky and I shared with him what happened and how bad I felt. I resisted the urge to drive to my daughter’s school which is a half hour away to try and make it better, realizing I would be doing it more for myself than for her. My husband just listened, didn’t try to make it better, didn’t try to fix anything. I didn’t want him to. I just needed him to bear witness to what I was feeling and realizing about myself. I am appreciating the benefits of being married to a non-fixer. 10716917376_1d4d4ccd89_b

Something about this experience triggered very old wounds in me. None of us want to see our children in pain, let alone pain that we feel we have caused. As a child I took everything to heart and was very sensitive. I was made fun of in the family for having “tender feelings. I realize as an adult, as my friend Wendy Wolfe teaches, I am a highly sensitive empath. That sensitivity has allowed me to do the spiritual growth work I do in the world with the Akashic Record as well as help women on their journey for love and their deepest heart’s desires. It has also made me super sensitive to my daughter. She too is highly sensitive but she managers her energy much better than I did as a child and at times now as an adult. She has an amazing ability to be in the moment and let go. She is a beautiful wise caring old soul who is my greatest teacher.

When my daughter got home from school, she flung open my office door and gave me a hug as if nothing had happened. Later that night we had a chat about the hurt feelings from earlier in the day. We agreed how to do things differently so we can have smoother mornings. Then she ran in her room and came back with chocolate kisses left over from Valentine’s Day. We ate chocolate, laughed and cuddled. All was right in the world again.

That night we talked a lot about what it was like for me growing up. I realized a lot of the pain I was still carrying from childhood was reflected back at me through the crying eyes of my child. Wounds I thought I had moved on from, pain I thought was healed. In trying to make it better for my daughter, I was really trying to save the little girl inside of me that I couldn’t help then. Healing can be a life long journey and happens on many levels. When we are ready for a growth spurt often our soul sends another layer of healing to experience. In paying attention to our reactions while going through the emotions of anger and fear, we can be with the sadness and give ourselves the support and compassion we couldn’t have provided as children. This opens us to a new level of intimacy with ourselves and others while allowing our deepest heart’s desires to come forward and be manifested.

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Whose Fantasy Is It Anyway?

They fascinated me as if characters from a movie walked out of the screen and came alive. There was this invisible wall between us. I was nervous to talk to them. They didn’t quite seem real. It was the first time the auction was being held in Marshfield. It was a consignment auction of Amish crafts, furniture and quilts. Since there were several communities of Amish a long buggy ride away,  many families were in attendance. My friend Jill and I indulged in homemade donuts and the best sloppy joe (a.k.a. barbeque) I had ever had. We got great deals on beautiful handmade baskets and rugs. Jill even won the bidding on an intricately crafted double glider rocker. We felt bad because there weren’t many people there since it was the first auction in town and not well publicized. Some of the quilts were going for such low prices (that would not have covered the cost of materials), the women that made them actually bought them back so they could sell them later.

I watched the Amish families interacting with each other. The women had made food to sell to support their school and community. The older siblings helped with the younger ones and to my surprised so did the men. They seemed like such a loving supportive community. My heart was aching for that kind of connection. I wanted a family of my own although that possibility seemed far away.

Most of the Amish would smile at us but kept their distance…except for Fannie. Fannie was an outgoing, quick witted woman who had six children. She got a kick about how fascinated people were with the Amish and how willing they were to pay extra for things because they were labeled Amish. She once showed me a feather she had found stuck on an egg in a carton she was selling. She plucked it off and said, “Here want to buy it?”
During that first auction I met a woman named Linda who drove for some of the families, taking them on errands, etc. She invited us out to see Fannie’s place. To my surprise some of the smaller roads in the county where they lived were not paved and made of dirt. It was a very surreal experience pulling up to Fannie’s farm on the dirt road at sunset. The energy felt different. Truly as if stepping back in time. Fannie was happy to see us and very welcoming. We chatted for a while and she showed us her sewing machine where she made beautiful quilts. The kids kept coming in and out eager to watch us. One of her sons was laying out on a bench half asleep. Fannie explained he was going through “Rumspringa” and was recovering from a drunken night. Not being familiar with this tradition –when Amish teenagers are allowed to go and have more worldly experiences and play before making the decision to join the church–I was quite surprised. Fannie however was not the least bit phased.

We walked across the dirt road to Fannie’s daughter and son-in-law’s home. They were quite young with a new baby. It was dark except for the glow of a lantern in the small barn where a skinny cow was being milked by Jacob. He was friendly and we talked about the cow and the woodworking that he does. His wife was shy and stood nearby holding the baby. Looking at the property, things looked old and in disrepair; however, standing there that night watching them, they had a wealth I deeply longed for.

One day I heard from Linda that Fannie and her family were moving and there was going to be an auction outside of her home of household and farm items. I was surprised and sad to hear they would be moving. I drove out to the auction. I found Fannie and asked why they were moving. Something had happened and the Bishop of the community was not happy with them so they were moving. That is the Reader’s Digest version. I had questions that had to go unasked. They were moving to a community in Southern Wisconsin and she invited me to come visit her there. Sadly, she would be separated from her daughter and son-in-law as they were going to move to a different community where he had work. Fannie seemed to take it all in stride and made jokes. I felt sad. My illusion of what their life and community was like was bursting.

At the auction, Fannie’s old sewing machine, along with that of her daughter, came up for bid. No one was bidding on them and I saw the excitement that someone might buy them go out of Fannie’s eyes. Although I am not a sewer, seeing the sewing machines sparked a fantasy that maybe I could learn. I was the only bidder and got them for a dollar each. Fannie seemed pleased that they were passed on to me.

For a year those sewing machines sat in my garage. They seemed to hold the energy of my longing for that life that seemed so peaceful 13900302021_4db92b74b7_hand simple. In reality it was hard to think about what happened with Fannie and her family. I realized I had to create my own reality of the family I wanted and the community I wanted to invest in and be a part of. We all feel on the outside at times; looking at the knot hole in the fence of someone else’s life can help us to know what we want or don’t want. It can also spiral us into feelings of lack and hopelessness based on what we perceive their life to be.

A few months ago I went to the Marshfield Amish auction. The auction is held twice a year and it had been a while since I had been there. My daughter was with me. She is learning how to knit in school and brought her knitting with her. An Amish lady sitting near us asked her about her knitting. They chatted about knitting and crocheting. It was sweet to hear the two of them talk. I reflected back to all the auctions I have been over time. Eliana, who is now 8, has been to several through the years. When she was younger she used to play with the little Amish girls. I thought back to that first auction, and to Fannie. How I used to sit there and feel that ache of longing in my heart. Feeling like it could never happen for me. Once I let go of the fantasy, claimed what I wanted, and began to believe I deserved a loving healthy relationship, a family, and a great community, I allowed it to be so.

If you are ready to go for what you want and create a loving healthy relationship and the life of your dreams, I invite you to apply for a Journey to Meet your Mate Breakthrough Session. I am offering a limited number sessions via telephone. This breakthrough session is normally $197, but right now I am offering it FREE as a gift.
This is a special session designed for women over 30 who are ready to put love first and are currently single AND not in a relationship. I’ll help you identify exactly what you want in your ideal partner. We will also pinpoint some specific things in your life that are preventing you from finding and keeping the love you want. And, I will share some powerful recommendations to help “the one” find you! To schedule a FREE session, click the link here  https://www.timetrade.com/book/FZQVS or contact me at JuleeDuessing@yahoo.com. But do it soon before all the slots fill up! Already in a relationship? Pass this along to a friend, family member or colleague who needs the support and is ready for the transformation!

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What have you bartered for Love and Affection?

The morning of my wedding, I sat down to write how I was feeling before getting married. I have worked with hundreds of clients over the years and many times I heard people say that they knew before even said “I do” – they should have said “get me the hell out of here!” Better yet, they never should have let it get that far. I was determined that wasn’t going to happen to me. Although I was doing gut checks leading up to the big day, I wanted to do one last check in before making the commitment. I did it so I would be sure at that moment, and to have it as a gift for my future self, knowing at times marriage will be difficult. I wrote the letter while in a hotel room. Bill and I decided to spend the night before our wedding apart and so I stayed with my soul sister Carolyn. Bill came to greet me after I had gotten all primped for the wedding. I can still see his face as he came down the hall beaming carrying a bouquet for flowers complete with the plastic wrap from the store still on it along with the price tag. I laughed as it was one of several good intentions not perfectly executed. And me being a perfectionist it was one of many lessons in letting go and embracing the quirky gifts of this beautiful man.

Being in a loving healthy relationship is about finding the best in ourselves and healing the 10011881004_aa81691af4_hworst. Growing into our souls that hold the highest vision of who we are and what we can become. It is not about fixing yourself or your partner. Nor is it about giving yourself away, or being less than so the other person can feel good. Relationships are of course about compromise, but it is what you are comprising that is the question. Many people, women in particular, try and hold the relationship together by tip toeing around their partner, and become the glue for the relationship. They fear if they focus on themselves, what they want, things will fall apart. I have had women say; “It is better than being alone right? At least I have someone to come home to.”

As we reach our mid-thirties, forties, fifties and beyond, and look back at what we have traded for love and affection, it can daunting.

Part of getting ready for a new relationship is healing those old wounds and getting clear on what we really need and desire. An overriding theme with many women I work with is feeling not worthy of having what they truly desire in a relationship which often blocks them from knowing what that is. While intellectually they may know they are deserving, deep down it is the feeling of, can I really have what I want and am I worthy of it?
In the rawest form we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are – warts and all. The desire to be loved is so strong we sometimes barter away part of ourselves in exchange. Those parts won’t stay quiet forever and claw at you for attention in the form of depression, anxiety, addictions and the blahs. Or we throw ourselves into our work, our children, television, the Internet, charity work or anything that will distracts us from the aches in our hearts.

So what was in the letter I wrote on my wedding day? It was about love, gratitude, grace and freedom. Entering into spiritual partnership with Bill was about stepping into becoming my best self and fully expressing all of who I am. It can be a lofty challenge some days. In a loving healthy relationship you mirror in each other all that is unhealed. We can choose to respond with love and compassion or with fear and anger. Most importantly we must let ourselves be seen and heard. Take the risks.

Are you ready to go on a Journey to Meet Your Mate? I help single women who are over 30 align Heart, Mind and Soul to manifest your perfect match. I am passionate about helping women manifest their deep desire to be in a loving intimate relationship. Everyone deserves love. You don’t need to put your life on hold until you find it or wait until everything is just right to allow it to find you.

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Transformation – You want it… You want it…But…

Transformation – many of us want, or at least we say we do. Let’s be honest here, it is dam scary! So, let’s say there is something you want to be different – a new job, more money, improve your health, move to new home, and my specialty, a new relationship. Who do you need to be – to have it – to manifest that life? To create something new invariably means some sort of letting go. We may think we are ready for something different, but we have gotten pretty good at managing the “ick” in our lives. We know how to soothe that ach and loneliness for a relationship, we know how to exist in the job that is numbing our brain and closing off our hearts, because well, it pays the bills.

Before I moved to a small town in Wisconsin, I lived in Chicago – not in the Chicago area but right in the middle of City. While a part of me loved living in the City it was exhausting. For years, I searched for that taste of country life. Part of me believed that there was something mystical about living in a small town. A simpler life, more connected to nature, where every day events were somehow elevated because you didn’t have to deal with the inherent chaos of living in a big city, or the strip mall life of suburbia.

A visit from a butterfly

I used to drive through small towns of the Midwest on weekend getaways. I tried to connect with people during brief conversations in a store or while pumping gas. I was always wondering what it would be like to live there…but what would I do? How could I fit in? I longed for that “simpler life” or at least my fantasy of it. I didn’t know how to really create that life. I was a Jewish progressive who occasionally talks to dead people for a living, looking for a small town to put down roots. As intuitive as my metaphysical Pisces self can be, I am also very analytical – waayyy too analytical. So I would over think it to death and talk myself out of any change.

The low point came on the way home from one of my weekend jaunts with my dog Rudy. I pulled into a Cracker Barrel restaurant. I had never been to one before. Maybe it was the rockers on the front porch but it represented “country life” to me. I went into the gift store of the restaurant and looked around…trying to find something to buy to make me feel connected. I starred at a jar of chow chow relish – nope that wasn’t going to do it. I left and got back in my car and started journaling about the insanity. It was time.

I knew at that time I had to let go of the familiar, get out of the proverbial comfort zone and make a change. The series of events that happened after that were quite miraculous although plenty challenging, the details of which I will leave for another time. So what makes us finally make the decision to go for what we want – to allow for transformation? Often it is when the fear of not moving, become greater than the fear of moving we take action. When we take those first steps – everything starts to align in our favor. As Martin Luther King said “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

PS – For the Ladies, if you are ready to explore taking the first step on The Journey to Meet Your Mate, contact me to find out how I can support you at JuleeDuessing@yahoo.com

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Have You Held Your Heart Prisoner?

She had been waiting. Her seventh birthday was approaching and she had been reminding us for months. It was one of those times as parents we don’t think much about the future and say anything to avoid dealing with it in the present. Eliana was almost six and wanting a pet. Even after having dogs nearly all my life, I was hesitant to get into a committed animal relationship again. My husband was even more commitment phobic. “The responsibility- we will be tied to the house….and HAIR EVERYWHERE!!!”, he lamented.  My friend Ellen said that she told her daughter she could have a pet when she was seven. Hmm, I like that. “Okay” I said, “You can have a pet when you are seven.”  She seemed good with that and  we both claimed it as a small victory. It was far off  and  I wasn’t worried about it.

Well, kids start planning their next birthday celebration soon after the last one finished. And for the next year we heard all about the cat she was going to get. Thanks to visits to my sister’s house with her three cats she was sure it was a cat that she wanted. I am not a cat person – I am a dog person.  There are some people that swing both ways but I wasn’t one of those. Cats seemed aloof and then there is the issue of the litter box – ug!  I loved having a dog to have as a buddy – take on adventures, to play ball, and to just hang out with.

Despite this love, since I have had a child my desire to have a dog has diminished considerably. My last dog Rudy and I had been through so much together. I was single living in Chicago when I first got him from a shelter. He was a Gordon Setter mix with long black gangly legs and he kinda trotted like a horse. We went everywhere together. I used to bring him to my office at work and to Montrose beach in the early morning where we would both swim. When I moved to Wisconsin it was just me and Rudy driving up in the Uhaul. He loved the open spaces here and it gave him a renewed energy and zest for life.

Rudy held on until Eliana was born. A couple months later at 14, we knew it was his time to travel over the rainbow bridge. A wonderful life, for a wonderful dog, that I still miss.

On our first visit to the Humane Society, they only had a few kittens available for adoption. Eliana liked the idea of a kitten until she held one and it was all squirmy with little nails that clawed into her as it tried to get out. “I think I want a bigger cat”, she said. We looked around and went into a room with several cats. We found one “Gin” who loved to play and was pretty friendly.  We looked at some more and couldn’t decide, so we went out to lunch. I was scared of picking the wrong cat. We wanted a playful and affectionate kitty. Most importantly, one that Eliana would bond with. My husband kept hoping to find a cat like he had many years ago that he loved and which he regaled us with stories of this amazing cat. By the time the fortune cookies arrived we had decided to go for the cat “Gin”.  Off we went back to the Humane Society. I went into the room where Gin was. I wanted to make sure it was the right cat for our family.  I picked up the cat and he stuck his claw into my lip in an effort to get away. It was excruciating pain for what felt like forever as I tried to get its claw out of my lip while screaming BILLLLLLLL . My husband came running and got the cat off of me. Although I don’t know much about cat behavior, I did have a clue that perhaps that cat wasn’t right for our family.

Life got busy and we waited over a month until we went back. We were planning on going for an adult cat. This time however, the place was filled with kittens! Bill made a bee line for a kitten that looked just like his beloved cat “Chicago”. Out he came and he was an immediate yes.  The adoption coordinator said due to the large number of kittens they were doing a “2 for 1 sale.” Soon we found another kitten that was a good match. Test drove the two of them together and we were filling out adoption paper work.

The kittens felt at home immediately and were playful and affectionate with us and each other. They are getting into some things, okay a lot of things, and I haven’t quite figured out where to discreetly put one of the litter boxes, but we are managing. I now firmly swing both ways seeing the joys in both dogs and cats. I am often baffled by the cat’s behavior still expecting them to act like dogs.

In all relationships there are tradeoffs and risks. If we hold ourselves a prisoner of the past, even a wonderful past, we cut ourselves off to new and nurturing relationships. Letting go frees us to love in a new way and be present for what is instead of looking back at what was. Our vision is expanded. All relationships take work –  be it with our pets or each other. As we grow, our needs in a relationship change. If we are still holding on to a vision of what our perfect partner looks like, perhaps it is time to revisit that picture. Opening our hearts to love in all its many forms, creates more joy, fulfillment, connection to our soul and oneness with the Divine.

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Speedy and Maya

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The Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination

IMG_6926 For the past several years (I can’t bring myself to count how many), I have been at this crossroads of procrastination and perfectionism.  Have you been there? It is a very busy intersection because we get stuck there. I know what I want to do next – what I have been called to do – what has been screaming at me to do… BUT, I have been unable to make progress in its development.

I have gone through two business support/mastermind groups, listened to countless online seminars, read several books (okay, I’ve begun several books), started a website (which is stuck in the proverbial “under construction” mode). I have started, pondered, started, stopped, started, pondered some more, switched directions, stopped, pondered yet again…and here I sit. I have done this so many times that I am literally dizzy and all that twisting has my knees and neck aching from the confusion of which direction to go. These things have manifested physically.  I am still able to move thanks to my very gifted chiropractor who I regale with my latest revelation of the metaphysical causes of why my body is out of alignment.

I was eight years old and away from home for the first time at overnight camp.  A girl in my cabin was distressed about something that perhaps only an eight year old would feel is life and death. I don’t recall what it was but I clearly remember that she was at a bathroom sink trying to swallow a whole bottle of allergy pills. I ran up to her and smacked them out of her hands and they went splattering all over the concrete floor.  That might have been the beginning of knowing when I had to step in and help someone – do what I had to do even if it was risky and uncomfortable. I’ve spent most of my life doing things like that–standing up for what I felt was right even if it was unpopular–while going way off the beaten path and exploring where my heart has pulled me. I’ve made a career out of what many think is “woo woo”–working in the realms of mystics, helping people to connect with their heart’s longings, and opening up to the wisdom of their souls.

 So what have I been procrastinating about for so very long?

 I want to help women meet their mate. So I am imperfectly creating “The Journey to Meet your Mate – Aligning Heart, Mind and Soul to Manifest your Perfect Match.” Not a dating service, but help for women who have been there, done that. Women who keep having the same relationship over and over again. Women who are ready to break free from old patterns and live a life with a wonderful partner!  It is something that I have helped clients and friends do for years and, perhaps most importantly, it is what I have done myself.

 Why all the hesitation?

 Because I am so passionate about helping women (which in turn helps men or other women), I want it to be perfect! In my minutia of perfectionism, my soul decided I really needed to get it so I was given a wonderful dream. In the dream, my friend Janis was giving a workshop to a room full of women. She wanted me to speak about my new work.  Unexpectedly, she started to introduce me.  Panic set in as I heard my name called. I was not ready! I frantically ran around the hallways looking for index card to write notes.   In the strange way that dreams work, I came across the weatherman from Channel 9 who was at his desk filled with papers. I asked him to if I could use some index cards. He reluctantly gave me some and when I turned them over they had writing on them. “NO!!”, I cried. “I can’t use these; they have writing on one side!” These were not perfect! Just then, the word “perfectionism” came to me as the word to write on the card for my presentation. I felt I needed more words, but that was all that came. I still didn’t know what I going to talk about, but I walked into the lecture hall and I began to speak. My first victory was that I remembered the full name of my program and then it all became clear as I looked down at the word on my card.

 When we look for a mate, we often are looking at external measures of what makes someone perfect and we overlook and judge someone who may be perfect just for us. We also hold ourselves back from pursuing relationships until we feel we are perfect enough and deserving enough for love. And, in all the waiting for perfection, we miss out on living. In waiting for perfection to do what we are called to do, not only do we miss out, but all those souls that are waiting to be touched by the gifts we bring, miss out too.

 Just for an extra kick in the pants, I began writing this blog yesterday and was about half way done. Later that night I went to print out what I had written and, through a series of never before mishaps, I lost half of it! Instead of letting it go, I spent the next few hours trying to recover it. I stayed up way too late, ate way too much, and finally was able to retrieve it. So today, I am a bleary eyed, bloated perfectionist in recovery, walking the line of faith. I am someone who is imperfectly bringing her gifts to the world and helping others do the same.

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